Passive Aggressive Behavior

How It Develops

It is beyond the scope of this Newsletter to fully explain the passive-aggressive personality. However, what follows is a brief description of how someone could develop this style of behavior.

As with many styles of behavior, it is thought that passive-aggressive behavior gets developed early in a person’s growth.

In a healthy household, a child’s parents would allow him to give expression to feelings of assertiveness or anger. They would help the child understand these strong feelings and learn how to express them appropriately.

The parent’s objective would be for the child to assert his thoughts and feelings while showing respect for other people’s thoughts and feelings as well.

However, many parents are not that healthy.

If a child grew up in a family that did not attach much value to his basic needs and wants his impulse to express his true feelings would tend to be suppressed.

Likewise, if a child is mocked when he does express himself or accused of being selfish repeatedly then he learns that it is not acceptable to want or need things. Under those circumstances the child will likely discontinue trying to express himself for fear of losing his parent’s love.

Instead, the child suppresses his needs and wants and passively accepts whatever he believes his parent’s want. His needs and wants are still there but hidden, and he resents them for making him hide them.

His resentment turns to anger but since he cannot express anger without dire consequences, he learns to satisfy that anger by acting out or behaving in a passive-aggressive manner. He is then secretly getting his revenge on his parents without risking rejection.

Of course this method of dealing with repressed feelings becomes highly dysfunctional when the child grows to adulthood and partners with someone. Unless the person is willing to look at  him/herself, particularly in counseling, they may not be able to break away from their old defective style of coping and create a healthier one.

What To Look For

The intense connections people develop with their love partners can resemble the connections they experienced in their family of origin.

Therefore, the passive-aggressive adult may begin to feel similar feelings in his marital relationship as he did with his own family. As time goes on his behavior may become more pronounced and create frustration for his partner.

Here are some signs that will help you recognize these behaviors:

Unacceptable poor performance: The passive-aggressive partner agrees to do something, actually does it, but carries out the task in such a manner as to be completely unacceptable. An example might be watching the children while the other partner goes to dinner with friends. The passive-aggressive partner watches the children but “forgets” to diaper the baby, causing the baby to need special attention when the other partner returns home. Another example might be cleaning the dishes, but not doing an even minimally acceptable job, causing the other partner to either redo them or argue.  

Delaying compliance: Here the passive-aggressive partner seemingly agrees with a request but delays actually doing it. This delay is sometimes explained by arguing that he/she will “do it on their own timetable” despite the fact that the task may be simple or needs to be completed more quickly.

Intentionally causing conflict:  In this case the passive-aggressive partner intentionally does not act thereby creating a problem that was easily foreseeable. He will then deny that that was the intention and claim that the result, which causes his partner frustration, anger and resentment, was really not his fault. An example of this might be non-payment of an important bill that could potentially result in a devaluation of the credit score of the partner.

Vengeful behavior: Here the passive-aggressive partner is unable or unwilling to either accept blame, or express anger so behaves in a hidden but vengeful way. An example might be that as a result of an argument that took place a couple of days before, the passive-aggressive spouse is an hour late picking up her partner at the train station. When she arrives she is ready with an excuse about traffic, car problems or the delay of the babysitter.

It is important to remember that passive-aggressive behavior is driven by the person’s fear that things could get even worse, despite his behavior, if his partner knew about his anger. Therefore he insists that he is not angry.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be changed. It is not simply about confronting it when it shows up, but helping the person to understand that he is loved and that you are willing to work with him to change.

Treatment can be very effective if the passive-aggressive person is willing to learn how and why to deconstruct his/her dysfunctional patterns of behavior.
The person is helped to understand the benefits of being authentic in an adult reltionship and recognize that he/she will not lose the love of his partner because he expresses himself truthfully. 

To be clear, an Affair can be defined as a sexual relationship taking place outside of a marriage or a monogamous relationship.

This can be differentiated from an Infidelity which can be defined as a disloyal or unfaithful act that may or may not include sex; such as an emotional involvement with someone outside of the relationship.

In either case the end result is a breach of trust. How partners deal with that breach and heal from it will be the subject of futures Newsletters.

However, when there is a breach couples would do well to enter therapy. The meaning of the affair needs to be understood not only so that the relationship has a chance to heal but also for the relationship to ultimately grow stronger.

1) Accidental Affairs : This type of encounter can happen when  opportunity and poor judgment are working together. It is often the result of drinking, partying too much and curiosity. Poor judgment can lead the curious partner to stray and enter the realm of the one night stand.

2) Avoiding Intimacy: A partner who has never been able to truly connect with his spouse in a deeper and meaningful way might enter an affair to maintain that distance. He/she may be unaware of  the real issue.

3) Long Term Affair: This type of affair can be ongoing for many years. It may in fact parallel the life of the marriage itself. A partner may even have offspring from such an affair. For example, a former television journalist, Charles Kuralt, was discovered to have raised an entire second family. He led this parallel life for many years and was only discovered after his death.

4) Vengeful Affairs: In this type of affair the motivation is revenge. The partner who steps out of the relationship wants to get back at the other for some perceived wrongdoing. He/she may be holding a grudge about something that happened a long time ago but was never resolved. Perhaps the unfaithful partner has been feeling unappreciated, unloved or even humiliated by the behavior of the spouse and uses this to rationalize the affair

5) Escape Affairs: Here the unfaithful partner has already decided to leave the marriage and uses the affair to make their exit. The thinking is that the marriage could not work so why not use the affair as a transition to divorce.

6) Unhappy Marriage: An affair that emerges from an unhappy or unsatisfying relationship is often one where the complaint may be poor communication, emotional disconnection, and bad sex or even separate lives. Couples frequently dismiss their dissatisfaction as a part of life, argue unproductively over it or just simply learn to live with it. Those strategies typically are not helpful.

7) Fight Phobic or Conflict Avoidant: Some partners are so fearful of causing conflict by either questioning their spouse or requesting better treatment, that they seek someone outside the relationship for relief.

8) Internet Affairs: With the advancement of technology the Internet has been the go to place for almost all things. It is easy to use, can be anonymous and has a seductive quality that can become addictive. Partners engaging in Internet Affairs can find themselves caught up with the reintroduction of a former friend through Facebook or other platforms. They can also become distracted with meeting a complete stranger online whom they might never have sex with but with whom they can carry on a secret emotional connection.

9) Narcissism or Insecurity: There are some who need to feel adored or are so insecure that they need to have sexual conquests time after time to feel good about themselves.  This type of person is often impulsive and is at higher risk to have an affair.(See Newsletter on Narcissism).

10) Sex Addiction: The term addiction as it relates to sex is really meant to describe a compulsive behavior (see Newsletter on Sex Addiction). Sex is used to cope with feelings of extreme anxiety, emptiness or a deep emotional wound. Sexually compulsive individuals have very poor impulse control and are at high risk for having affairs.

An Affair does not have to end a relationship. It needs to be evaluated in the context of both partner’s lives together. Seeking help when an Affair is discovered can make the difference between catastrophe and reconciliation.

If you or anyone you know is dealing with this very sensitive issue you can call or email me for a confidential consultation.

Couples often come to my office for counseling when they are just about at the end of their patience with each other.

They have either been arguing uncontrollably, been distant and avoidant or perhaps just tired and bored with their relationship.

They may have discussed divorce or even threatened it. One of the partners may have already moved out or spent some time away at a friend or relative. This is generally explained away as an attempt to get some space or provide temporary relief from conflict.

If there are children, the couple is torn, understandably, with the possibility of breaking up the family or living in a tense, unloving, perhaps even angry or hostile relationship with their spouse.

Under these very uncomfortable circumstances divorce begins to look like a good option. In fact, truth be told, it is sometimes the best option…but certainly not most of the time!

Most of the time getting divorced ends up having major negative consequences for every member of the family and does not bode well for either partner. For example statistics show that remarriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Moreover when there are children in a remarriage there is an even higher rate of divorce!

Making your marriage work better for the two of you may be difficult but it does have its rewards. Marital conflict can be a mess. But it can also be changed.

OK, so you are fed up and disgusted with your partner and think that your only way out is to get a divorce. Maybe you’re right… but then maybe you’re not. Divorce is a big deal and should be treated that way.

Here are some interesting things you should know if you are thinking divorce.

Contrary to popular belief the divorce rate in the United States is 41% (not 50%) for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages. It is clear by these statistics that you stand a better chance of staying married the first time than you would the second or third time around.

Divorce typically depreciates the average person’s wealth by close to 70%. Conversely married couples routinely grow their wealth over time. It’s not just a case of adding a second salary, although that certainly helps, but also an attitude that married couples have about creating wealth for the future.

More than 50% of the marriages that end in divorce were marriages that were getting by when something bad happened. It could have been an infidelity, a financial downturn or the stress of illness. Most of these couples were vulnerable and did not give themselves a real opportunity to get passed the problem.

Divorced partners entering into a new relationship right after their divorce are often disappointed that the “newness” seems to wear off very quickly. They are then faced with the reality of trying to make the new relationship work but now they have the added issues of step children, child support and balancing visitation.

Children of divorced families are 50% more likely to get divorced than children from unbroken homes. Statistical analysis of thousands of families by Penn State researchers have shown that the odds of staying married are stacked against kids of divorced families. They are also at a higher risk for having other interpersonal problems during their lifetime.

Untrained therapists can cause a couple seeking therapy more harm than good. William Doherty, Ph.D. founder of  Smart Marriages (www.SmartMarriages.com) and renowned teacher and trainer in the field of couple/marital therapy, has found that many couples have failed in their attempt to repair their marriage because they went to a therapist who only had training in individual therapy and not couple therapy. Couples seeking marriage counseling should choose a therapist who is not only trained well but also has a pro-marriage orientation. (See http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/). The therapist should be active, clear and confident enough in his approach to keep the couple moving toward a positive outcome.

Some people believe that if there is conflict between parents the kids are better off if the parents divorce. However, except for the minority of high-conflict marriages (less than 30%), children were found to be better off if their parents stay together and work things out. Working things out provides a better model for the children and creates a sense of hope for the future.

Woman are more likely to initiate a divorce than men. The odds are almost two to one that men are happier in the marriage than their wives. They tend to feel less frustration and are therefore less apt to consider divorce a solution.

Sometimes sitting with close friends or family, explaining what is happening between the two of you  and asking for advice can help you to overcome your problems. It doesn’t always have to be professional help that you seek to work things out. If you have friends or family who want the best for you (and have a good relationship themselves) an honest, open conversation can be very positive.

Feeling unhappy in your marriage is NOT a reason to get divorced! Recent research using a large national sample found that 86 % of people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, and stayed with the marriage, indicated when interviewed five years later that they were happier. Indeed, three fifths of the formerly unhappily married couples rated their marriages as either “very happy” or “quite happy.” (David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J.)

We criticize others and ourselves for many reasons.

We may be angry or frustrated: You may have had a bad day and end up criticizing harshly in a misdirected way of taking out your frustration. This is often done in a reflexive, knee jerk fashion and is almost always regrettable because the criticized person frequently feels unfairly targeted.

We may have an ego problem: Some people want to show how smart or powerful they are by putting others down and criticizing their performance. When arrogance drives criticism it generally serves no constructive purpose whatsoever.

We are simply being hurtful: In this case the motive is vengeance. We have decided that we want to hurt (emotionally) the person we are criticizing. It is not pretty but it can be a reason.

We may want things done differently: If you are an employer you may want your employee to do a task differently. You may not have been happy with the results and want to change the way things are being done at the workplace.

We may want to help a person to improve: We may give an honest opinion in the form of feedback, wanting to help a person get better at something. When done in a supportive fashion such as offering a suggestion, the criticism may not only be acceptable but can also be appreciated.

Curb Your Criticism

If you are going to criticize someone think about your reason for doing so. (See my Newsletter on Emotional Intelligence).

Are you angry and want to hurt the person? Are you frustrated and want to lash out at someone? Are you showing off? Do you want to help?

Criticism can be constructive and helpful. If you have been accused of being too critical here are some ways you can curb your criticism.

Be Positive: We typically think of criticism as being negative. If stated in a way that points out possible options and supports the person, it can be seen as quite positive. For example: “I don’t think that couch looks good in that corner” can be restated as, “The room looks good, nice job. What do you think about placing the couch over there”? If you have thought about your intent for offering criticism and actually want the person to appreciate your idea, then think about stating it in a positive way.

Make a Suggestion: In the example above a question is used to infer a suggestion instead of simply making a critical remark. Criticisms are sometimes perceived as assaults or attacks. This is especially true when offered to a particularly sensitive person or one who is easily made to feel defensive. This can be done in a conversational way, using the simple question, “Would it be ok with you if I made a suggestion”? If your intention is to help improve the person’s performance then engaging in suggestion making rather than criticizing can set a better tone for accomplishing that objective.

Be Specific: Focus on the task or the project when offering your thoughts. Never focus on the person. If a household budget was the subject for example, a statement like: “You were never very good at math” will not score you points in likeability. If you said that to your child or your spouse they would likely not feel good about themselves or you for that matter. If however, you were to say: “Budgets can be tricky and if you would like my help I would happy to help you” you set the tone for dialogue.

Be Compassionate: Recognize how you might feel if someone were to criticize you in a harsh, aggressive or mean-spirited manner. Most of us have a difficult time accepting any kind of criticism, even if it is well intentioned. Unless you are gentle in your approach, make suggestions that come from kindness and are well put, your remarks may get perceived as attacks and result in negative consequences.

If in doubt…wait! If you have an urge to criticize someone and are not sure how to say it, wait and think it through before saying anything. The compelling feeling that whatever you are about to say needs to be said right then, may be driven by one of those negative motives mentioned above. You want to be sure of your intention and what you would like to see as your outcome.

This idea is really another way of “looking ahead” or planning for the future. It can apply to relationships as easily as it applies to business.

Spouses having problems with their relationship will often become frustrated, angry or even depressed. If there is a breakdown in  communication leaving partners unable to express themselves without feeling threatened or misunderstood,  there is  trauma to the relationship and the couple is in crisis.

Planning ahead for this type of event may seem a little morbid and negative to some couples who are getting along just fine. However it can be a useful exercise to  consider what you should do if there was such a breakdown. Here are some tips to help you manage through a crisis.

Short-circuit the crisis: This may seem like a no brainer but many partners have admitted after the fact that they did see a breakdown coming but did not take action soon enough. It could be pride, fear or denial that might get in the way of good judgment. Don’t let that happen. Be proactive and pay attention to warning signs.

Stabilize the situation: If you can’t short-circuit it than try maintaining a balanced approach. Stabilizing the conflict before it becomes a crisis prevents it from escalating into a very regrettable situation. You would benefit from recognizing possible problems in advance and agree with each other about the steps you might take to de-escalate.
Get an aerial view ASAP: You want to be able to evaluate how things really are by stepping back as soon as possible. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I making too much of this? How strongly do I need to react to make my point? Will my reaction benefit both of us (or all of us)? What is my true objective?

Look for the positive spin: Most successful people (couples included) look for the positive aspects of any situation. Cliché’s like “every cloud has a silver lining”, “this too shall pass” and “where there’s life there’s hope” all convey the idea that the longer, more positive view is always more constructive. There may be a tendency to cycle downward into gloom and negativity…fight it!

Have a “rabbi”: Have someone who you trust and respect to confer with when things become problematic. If you find yourself confused and unable to think clearly about important matters you need to be able to talk to someone who can remain objective. If you have nobody who fits that description find a therapist or life coach quickly.

Take action…only when ready: If you are not sure about what to do in a crisis, do nothing until you are ready. Don’t be hasty. You will likely need to take some action but be as clear as possible about what your objective is and if the action you are about to take will accomplish it.

Keep an open mind: Be flexible, not stubborn. There is no glory in being too stubborn for your own good (or for anybody else’s good). The only way to get the benefit of an aerial view is to be open minded about what you are actually seeing. Don’t let your ego get in the way of avoiding or de-escalating a crisis.

From a strict medical perspective an addiction is a compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance (such as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol).  A person’s system builds a tolerance and, if he suddenly stops using, he has clear negative physiological symptoms which we call withdrawal.

By that definition having excessive amounts of sex is not an addiction because there is no substance being taken. However, in the complex world of modern society we have come to view this compulsive behavior as an addiction.

The features that make this type of behavior an addiction are that: 1) the individual seems not to be able to control the sexual behavior, and:  2) the sexual behavior has significant harmful consequences and continues despite these consequences. These features are the same for any compulsive or addictive behavior.

There is a strong psychological component that drives the sexually compulsive person. The sex addict typically has never been able to regulate his feelings so he engages in sexual behavior to cope. Often substances are also used to medicate his feelings. Sex is a type of coping mechanism to soothe  or relieve the intensity of these feelings.

The sex addict can be a narcissist (see newsletter on Narcissism) totally self  involved and self absorbed. Or he can be covertly depressed, unable to be in touch with the forces that drive him. Research tends to show that there are  more male sex addicts than female.

Generally the sex addict has very little romantic or love connection to the person with whom he is having sex. He also does not necessarily get a true sense of satisfaction from the sex itself. He is disconnected from the more human and social side of the sexual act and more driven by the satisfaction he gets from the stress relief that orgasm brings.

The neurological and biological reinforcement of endorphins and other feel good chemicals being released upon orgasm temporarily calm or soothe the addict. This powerful physiological component keeps him returning to the same behavior over and over again despite the consequences.

A sexually addicted person is trying to cope with feelings of emptiness, depression or intense anxiety. If he is unable to manage these feelings, he will look for sex to provide relief.

Treating depression early and effectively can prevent it from becoming more severe and lasting longer. The type of depression a person is suffering with will determine the best choice for treatment.

Major Depression and Dysthymia can be treated with both psychotherapy and medication. Most people respond well to these in combination. Psychotherapy should focus on learning coping strategies, problem solving skills, challenging negative mindsets and changing critical as well as pessimistic thought patterns. Improvement comes when a person begins to feel empowered and more in control of his life (and emotions).
Supportive therapy should also be used to help address painful feelings of hopelessness and despair. However this type of therapy should be a part of the treatment and not the only method.

Medication is an option with major depression. Antidepressant medication can often help to relieve the painful impact of symptoms such as the inability to concentrate or sleep, inability to work, control emotions or make decisions necessary to effectively conduct everyday life.

Antidepressants work by increasing the availability and level of certain neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters carry information to the different parts of the brain.  These chemicals and their levels of availability affect the range of moods we experience.

In severe cases of depression where other forms of treatment have not helped, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) may be recommended. In this type of therapy electric current is passed through the brain of the patient while under anesthesia causing convulsive seizures to occur for about 15 seconds each. ECT has been shown to be effective, especially as a treatment of last resort, but its side effects can include some memory loss and disorientation.

The treatment of Bipolar Disorder will most likely include medication. As explained in the previous article, this is a very serious and disabling mental illness. It is chronic and manic episodes followed by depressive episodes are likely to recur if treatment is not ongoing.

Lithium and anti-convulsive medications such as Depakote, Lamictil and Neurontin are often used in combination to achieve mood stabilization. Getting the patient on the best combination of medication is both science and art and can be trying for the patient and his family.

People with bipolar disorder are sometimes discouraged by the difficult task of keeping their moods in check over long periods of time. The patient sometimes complains that the edge or “high” he used to enjoy feeling has been replaced by a different mood, one he may interpret as being flat and boring.

When this occurs he may stop taking the medication and go back to “cycling” through his moods again. That is why long-term counseling that includes the monitoring of the patient’s medication, moods, sleep patterns and general health is often critical in maintaining control over bipolar disorder.

Postpartum Depression has similar symptoms to major depression. If left untreated the consequences of postpartum depression can be dire. The attachment bond that is so important for a child’s healthy development will likely not occur if mother is not getting the help she needs.

Treatment here should be multifaceted and involve the entire immediate family. Counseling should educate the family members and enlist them to help more around the home. Individual therapy is necessary to help the mother learn and implement the coping skills that are so important for her new role.

The option for medication needs to be weighed against the severity of the depression. If a mother is breast feeding for example, taking medication can be dangerous to the health of the baby. The same problem exists when hormone replacement therapy is recommended.

With proper treatment postpartum depression will often lift in a matter of months.

Self help

In addition to getting professional help there are several things a person can do to improve his mood.

Exercise: Any activity, however mild it might be, can lift the spirit.

Friends & Family: Having one or more close friends or family members to confide in and spend time with helps to prevent isolation.

Reduce stressors: Limit your responsibilities and only do tasks that won’t overwhelm you. (See article on Stress Busting Basics)

Postpone making big decisions: Your objectivity and judgment are most likely to be affected by your depression. Refrain from making important decisions until you feel better.

Force yourself to do things with friends.

There is a distinction between having a Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and some of the other types of sexual/behavioral disorders. Some individuals with GID may ultimately decide to have Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) thereby becoming transsexual.

People will sometimes confuse transvestites with transsexuals. The difference is significant.

Transvestites and Fetishism

A transvestite is a heterosexual male who dresses in women’s clothing (cross-dresser). Some men dress this way to earn their livings as female impersonators. They perform in drag in nightclubs and cabarets around the world but might very well dress as men when they are not working. They may or may not be gay or homosexual.

However, those transvestites with a fetish (a sexual or emotional attachment to an inanimate object) get a strong sexual arousal when they dress in women’s clothing. They will frequently be married men and are sexually attracted to females.

Technically they are considered to have a Transvestic Fetish, which means that they experience strong sexual urges and a compelling need to wear women’s clothes. A transvestite with this type of fetish will often desire to be seen in public as a woman, even though he does not identify himself as female.

Married transvestites will frequently wear their wives’ clothing but may also have a secret stash of their own. They are generally plagued with shame and guilt about their behavior and terribly fearful of being discovered and rejected by their spouse.

Treatment for this type of disorder is rarely sought by the individual. It is usually when the spouse becomes aware and is conflicted about accepting her husband’s behavior that the couple may decide to seek therapy.

Gender Identity Disorder and Sex Change

A person with Gender Identity Disorder has strong and persistent cross-gender identification.

Early onset of symptoms such as: behaving and/or dressing more like a member of the opposite sex; expressing a desire to be a member of the opposite sex; hating one’s own genitals; being rejected from one’s peer group because of behavior that is different from same sex peers can lead to withdrawal and depression early on in a person’s life.

This problem seems to occur more in males than females. It also appears early in childhood often about 4 or 5 years of age, strongly suggesting chromosomal and/or hormonal abnormalities during fetal development.

The person with GID is conflicted or disgusted with his own body. He has a persistent and compelling desire to behave and identify with the opposite sex. If he dresses like a female it is not because of sexual arousal like the tranvestic fetish but more because he sees himself as female and rejects his male sexual parts.

As he grows older his depression over being trapped in the wrong body may cause him to seek Sexual Reassignment Surgery.  This type of surgery can be both from male to female or from female to male.

This process, if done clinically correct, should take a long time, perhaps 2 or more years before SRS is approved. It would include intense counseling or psychotherapy, education, hormone treatments, and time for the patient to experience what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex by “passing” as such in everyday life.

This treatment is often expensive and demands patience and commitment. A therapist will generally work with a physician to insure that all aspects of the process, including hormone treatment are being appropriately addressed.

If the patient is hasty and chooses to have SRS before he is ready he may end up regretting his decision, potentially causing himself irreversible harm.

If you or anyone you know needs more information on this issue please contact me.

Some websites that offer information and support for anyone dealing with this issue are:

http://www.transalliancesociety.org/index.html
http://www.genderadvocates.org/links/national.html
http://www.masstpc.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Transgender_Specific_National/Statewide_Activist_Organizations

Painful emotions and destructive behaviors that have been caused by these traumas are often eliminated when the mind becomes clear and free of anguish. People feel more energetic, liberated and ready to live their lives unrestricted by the negative emotional baggage of the past.

The treatment does not require reliving the pain of the past, having strong willpower or doing homework between sessions. There is no unusual effort that is required on the part of the patient as the process of healing happens automatically when the mind adjusts and becomes cleared.

What is Emotional or Psychological Trauma?

An event or situation that is life threatening can cause a person to feel overwhelmed, distressed or confused. Emotional or psychological trauma (traumatic stress) results from an event or experience that causes physical, emotional or psychological distress or harm.

The event or experience often happens unexpectedly when one is unprepared. A person is caught off guard and feels powerless. The individual becomes unable to cope or integrate the thoughts and emotions triggered by the event.

The trauma could have happened in childhood or adulthood. Although the event itself is over, the person still feels the effects. The effects are generally disturbing and continue to bother a person for many years.

The effects of traumatic stress can lead to: anxiety, depression, substance abuse, food addiction, sleep problems (including nightmares), promiscuity and panic attacks. Some identify these symptoms as Post Traumatic Stress as in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

What Can Be Resolved?

Distress resulting from any of the many types of problems that may have been caused by psychological or emotional trauma (traumatic stress):

    * Panic Attacks
    * Rape
    * Incest
    * Substance Abuse
    * Addictions
    * Phobias
    * Anger and Rage
    * Nightmares
    * Flashbacks and PTSD
    * Death of a loved one (frozen grief)
    * War and Combat
    * Violence

How Does RRT Work?

The subconscious mind holds the key to so many of our mysteries. It controls emotions, memory, habits, dreams and responses that are automatic. A person may consciously understand that he would like to change unwanted feelings or behaviors but feels stuck and unable to make those changes happen.

Rapid Resolution Therapy with Clinical Hypnosis identifies targets and then clears conflicts which may have been blocked but have been causing negative and unwanted thoughts, feelings and behaviors in a person’s life. The treatment facilitates a transformation to occur in the mind that can change a person’s life for the better and end many years of suffering.

This method of treating trauma and its effects usually works more quickly than other methods. Sessions therefore are often longer in time allotted but less frequent in number.

I became interested enough to take a 3 day training in the method and I was really impressed. I saw videotapes of people who had experienced severe trauma such as rape, battery and other abuse as well as an emergency medical worker who had been at ground zero during 9/11. The results were stunning!

This method is unlike any other trauma treatment I have come across in that it is painless, requires very little work from the client and resolves trauma quickly. The method is elegant and gentle and does not cause the type of “reliving” experience other methods tend to use. In fact the client does not relive the experience but becomes indifferent to the effects of the experience. It is quite remarkable to see.

I have been using some of the principles I learned from my initial training with really positive results. These methods can be used to resolve feelings of guilt, shame, rage, PTSD, phobias, anxiety and other types of problems.

I will be taking the advanced training at the beginning of June and will be offering this treatment in my practice. Stay tuned.

Stan Hyman, LCSW