Treating Trauma

Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT) is a method of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Jon Connelly that quickly and painlessly relieves the suffering of people who have experienced any type of emotional or psychological trauma or traumatic event. Even if you cannot consciously remember what happened in the past the treatment accesses the root cause in the subconscious mind and resolves it.

Painful emotions and destructive behaviors that have been caused by these traumas are often eliminated when the mind becomes clear and free of anguish. People feel more energetic, liberated and ready to live their lives unrestricted by the negative emotional baggage of the past.

The treatment does not require reliving the pain of the past, having strong willpower or doing homework between sessions. There is no unusual effort that is required on the part of the patient as the process of healing happens automatically when the mind adjusts and becomes cleared.

What is Emotional or Psychological Trauma?

An event or situation that is life threatening can cause a person to feel overwhelmed, distressed or confused. Emotional or psychological trauma (traumatic stress) results from an event or experience that causes physical, emotional or psychological distress or harm.

The event or experience often happens unexpectedly when one is unprepared. A person is caught off guard and feels powerless. The individual becomes unable to cope or integrate the thoughts and emotions triggered by the event.

The trauma could have happened in childhood or adulthood. Although the event itself is over, the person still feels the effects. The effects are generally disturbing and continue to bother a person for many years.

The effects of traumatic stress can lead to: anxiety, depression, substance abuse, food addiction, sleep problems (including nightmares), promiscuity and panic attacks. Some identify these symptoms as Post Traumatic Stress as in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

What Can Be Resolved?

Distress resulting from any of the many types of problems that may have been caused by psychological or emotional trauma (traumatic stress):

    * Panic Attacks
    * Rape
    * Incest
    * Substance Abuse
    * Addictions
    * Phobias
    * Anger and Rage
    * Nightmares
    * Flashbacks and PTSD
    * Death of a loved one (frozen grief)
    * War and Combat
    * Violence

How Does RRT Work?

The subconscious mind holds the key to so many of our mysteries. It controls emotions, memory, habits, dreams and responses that are automatic. A person may consciously understand that he would like to change unwanted feelings or behaviors but feels stuck and unable to make those changes happen.

Rapid Resolution Therapy with Clinical Hypnosis identifies targets and then clears conflicts which may have been blocked but have been causing negative and unwanted thoughts, feelings and behaviors in a person’s life. The treatment facilitates a transformation to occur in the mind that can change a person’s life for the better and end many years of suffering.

This method of treating trauma and its effects usually works more quickly than other methods. Sessions therefore are often longer in time allotted but less frequent in number.

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Rapid Resolution Therapy

In recent months I have become acquainted with a cutting edge treatment for trauma victims. It is called Rapid Trauma Resolution. It uses hypnosis in a new and interesting way to help the client literally resolve traumatic issues.

I became interested enough to take a 3 day training in the method and I was really impressed. I saw videotapes of people who had experienced severe trauma such as rape, battery and other abuse as well as an emergency medical worker who had been at ground zero during 9/11. The results were stunning!

This method is unlike any other trauma treatment I have come across in that it is painless, requires very little work from the client and resolves trauma quickly. The method is elegant and gentle and does not cause the type of “reliving” experience other methods tend to use. In fact the client does not relive the experience but becomes indifferent to the effects of the experience. It is quite remarkable to see.

I have been using some of the principles I learned from my initial training with really positive results. These methods can be used to resolve feelings of guilt, shame, rage, PTSD, phobias, anxiety and other types of problems.

I will be taking the advanced training at the beginning of June and will be offering this treatment in my practice. Stay tuned.

Stan Hyman, LCSW

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The Happiness Myth

The Happiness Myth
 
Let’s start with this: Happiness, like any emotion is never constant but will likely come and go as will boredom and dissatisfaction. Happiness is a state of being content, in good cheer and generally experiencing feelings of optimism. It is a state of mind which ebbs and flows and has highs and lows.
 
Most people can feel happy for at least a short period of time. Unless a person is clinically depressed, having feelings of sadness, upset, discontent or anxiety are all part of the human condition. We humans are capable of experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions and can do so depending upon the circumstances in our lives at the time.

Despite this fact we are driven to believe that we have a “right” to be happy; as if someone or something is in charge of all the happiness in the world and is keeping it from us. We seem to believe that finding happiness requires great effort but are not sure how or where to acquire it. It is as though happiness can somehow be collected, like a trophy.

So what is this incessant search for happiness about?

It would appear that some of us believe that finding happiness is akin to having some great epiphany or religious experience…a great white light enters your body and suddenly you are at last happy! So we search frenetically to find it hoping for some type of powerful, amazing and magical experience.

We look for the experience of a lifetime hoping that it will bring us happiness. We buy faster cars, eat at fancier restaurants, search for the “perfect” love partner, purchase more expensive clothes take more extravagant vacations all in the hope that having or doing more will bring more happiness.

Our society has shown every sign of having placed greater value on not being satisfied with what we have and therefore always wanting more. The emphasis we place on getting more creates an atmosphere of low level dissatisfaction in having less. Therefore despite what we do we are always in a somewhat quiet state of unhappiness or disharmony.

Unless we can find a sort of peace in “just being” (some achieve in the practice of meditation) we are always going to feel that we are at the lower end of the happiness continuum,  feeling restless and discontent.

Why not just accept it?

The idea that all humans experience ups and downs seems elementary but some in the self-help, self growth happiness industry would have you believe otherwise (at least that is the impression one gets).

They want you to believe that you “should’ be happy. That it is your right, you deserve it and if you try hard enough you will have it. The problem is that the more you “try” to be happy the more likely it is that you will feel miserable when you don’t get that wow experience.

We live in a world where, unlike our ancestors, most of our basic needs are met. We no longer need to focus on hunting for food and fending off predators (maybe creditors, but not predators).

We would probably be better off if we were able to just sit back and say, “We have most of what we need and we feel pretty happy about it” but instead we are driven by the need for more.

Anyone who has had the simple pleasure of looking at the ocean, spending time with loved ones, reading a good book or enjoying a beautiful day knows what it feels like to be happy.

There is no mystery to knowing happiness, it is available any time you want it. The myth is to think that it can only be achieved through making an expensive purchase, winning the lottery or taking some great trek through the universe.

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Rebuilding Trust…

Couples who lose trust in each other face a major challenge. Trust is the glue that bonds people together. It is the infrastructure of the relationship, the steel beams that make it strong. Of course there is love. But without trust there is no sense of security, no feeling that you can rely on the person you have committed to. Once there is a breach of trust the relationship can begin to come apart, sometimes very quickly.

Trust is defined as a firm reliance on the integrity or character of a person. It is also the ability to have faith and confidence in someone’s word or intentions.

We build trust in each other over time. It is a subtle thing that gets created when we share experiences, help each other in times of need and prove to each other that we will actually do what we say we will do.

Some of us are more trusting than others. We will extend ourselves and give the other the benefit of the doubt. However, most of us, especially when we are in a relationship, grow to have expectations of each other. There is a sense of comfort and security we get when we think we know that our partner is trustworthy. We need to have this feeling for intimacy to grow.

When trust is damaged there is a powerful, sometimes overwhelming feeling of betrayal. The betrayal can come from almost any form of dishonesty or disloyalty of one partner to the other. Obviously infidelity stacks up at the top of the list but lying and hiding important information can also cause trust to fragment.

When this occurs there is always despair, regret and hopefully remorse. If a couple is willing to work through the mistakes there is a good possibility that trust can be restored. Trust must be earned though; it is not something one is automatically entitled to. Therefore, the party who has breached the trust must be willing to rebuild it no matter what it takes. That requires a strong commitment, not just from the partner that breached the trust but from the other partner as well.

What follows are some tips that can help you travel the road back to rebuilding trust.

1) Talk about your expectations of each other.

Each of you must now decide if the rules of the relationship need to be changed. If so, which is the likely scenario, you both must agree to those changes. Before the trust was breached things were OK the way they were. However, now that there is suspicion and distrust changes have to take place.

2) Agree on the specifics.

Now that you have agreed that the rules have changed you need to agree on what changes will be made. If a partner has had an affair, for example, the betrayed partner may want an itinerary of the betrayer whenever he or she is away from home, a promise to call more often or at specific times of the day and a willingness to answer any and all questions. There is no getting around this one. The betrayer must get into the spirit of making amends. He/she needs to show the other how important this is. If the breech involved withholding of information or intentionally giving the wrong information, the betrayed partner may want a full and open accounting of everything. No more secrets.

3) Deliver more than you promise.

In an effort to build trust, reconcile and get back in the good graces of your partner you might find yourself promising to do almost anything. You may have good intentions but be unable to deliver. That is not to say you shouldn’t stretch yourself a little. However, it is always better to promise only as much as you are sure you can make good on and then make every effort to do more than you promised. The process of rebuilding trust is fragile. You can seriously compound the damage by not delivering on your promises.

4) Be consistent.

Changing behavior requires persistence and consistency. The betrayed partner has to believe that the other partner is truly changing, not just for the short term but for the long haul. It is imperative that there is a strong commitment to change or it will be impossible to break an old pattern and make new behaviors stick.

5) Have a strong commitment and a positive attitude toward change.

Rebuilding trust is not easy. In fact it is very hard to do. Partners have to suspend their disbelief that things can change and that they will once again be trusting and happy together. This process requires a strong commitment from both partners. The betrayed partner has to be willing to encourage the other at some point to show that there is hope and that forgiveness is possible.

These are just a few examples of the things a couple can do to get the rebuilding process started. Couples needs to examine what is at stake and commit to making changes if they are to succeed.

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Building A Great Relationship

Building a Great Relationship

Going from dating to beginning a new relationship can be very exciting. There is generally a lot of chemistry that is involved at this stage. Sometimes the chemistry is misleading, that is to say that the physical attraction you feel may override your good sense. Therefore, if you are interested in building a good relationship from the start, I recommend you read on.

Know what you want…what is your criteria?
This is generally good advice for whatever you do but is particularly applicable to forming a good relationship. Make a list of characteristics you believe are important to you. These will be your criteria. Think about each of those characteristics very carefully to make sure that they are significant. Rate each one on a 1 to 5 scale, 1 being the least important and 5 being the most. Now rate your partner. You can rate him or her again later but this first rating will help to guide you.

Be authentic.
If you want honesty, integrity and a real connection to another human being you must be genuine. I mentioned this point in the previous article but it is important enough to bear repeating and elaboration. It is one thing to embellish a little and quite another to start out lying. This is not to say that you must tell all that is personal and private. In fact it is a good idea to tell a little at a time. However, to misrepresent can lead to embarrassment and regret later. Be real. Be honest. Be authentic.

Be a good listener.
If you want to get to know someone well, you must ask good questions and be prepared to listen to the answers. Someone once said that since we have two ears and only one mouth we should probably listen twice as much as we speak. Interrupting, looking around, getting distracted and not focusing on what the other is saying gives the impression that you’re really not interested. Paying attention to someone is both respectful and complimentary.

Be thoughtful about your responses.
Consider what you are about to say. I am not suggesting that you measure every word but that you think about what you really want to say. For example: Do you want to encourage the person to continue talking about a particular subject? Do you want to show compassion or empathy for him or her? Is what you are about to say meant to change the subject? Are you saying something simply to fill a silent moment? Be careful not to jump into disagreements, criticisms or arguments. Think before you speak! Words can destroy as well as build trust and confidence so choose them wisely.

Be positive!
We have all met people who focus on the negative things in their life. They are considered to have “negative energy” and conversations with them are often dark, gloomy and exhausting. Other people seem to have an upbeat, positive attitude about life and conversations with them tend to be energizing and uplifting. If you want to build a great relationship you need to start by being positive.

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Dating Made Easier

Whether you meet online or off line the principles of meeting and getting to know one another are very much the same. The problems that come up when dating are often about trying to impress the other with your beauty, charm, wit, intellect, money, status or whatever else you decide is important.

The truth is that trying to impress each other, especially members of the opposite sex, is as old as mankind. Humans impressed and attracted each other in order to survive. After all Mother Nature mandated that we reproduce… but that was before birth control. In today’s world reproduction may be of interest to some but not to everyone.

Nowadays each person gets to decide what is important to him or her when seeking a mate. The first step in this process is dating. For the purposes of this article I will define dating very simply as going out socially with another person often when there is a romantic interest.

What follows are some basic principles to keep in mind to help make dating easier.

Dating is a sorting process.
Recognize that in order to find a good, compatible partner you may have to sort through several who are only fair or even not so fair candidates. Keep that in mind so that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Dating can be enjoyable.
If you are just going out socially with someone why not relax and enjoy yourself? The tendency to try to impress your date may be strong but don’t let this feeling overwhelm you. It is important to keep in mind that even though everyone tries to “perform” at their best on a date, it is not the Olympics! Your performance will not be seen by millions.

Dating is not life threatening!
This may sound silly but many daters are so concerned about how they will appear that they cause themselves unnecessary anxiety and sometimes even panic. Most likely, the day after your date life will go on as usual. A date is a date and nothing more. Keep that thought uppermost in your mind to maintain a balanced perspective.

Be yourself but not full of yourself.
Okay, you are trying to impress your date so you exaggerate your accomplishments and your importance in the world. What’s the harm in that? Well, that depends on how much you exaggerate and whether you are pretending to be someone you’re not. If you start down that slippery path you may be sabotaging yourself. Humility and integrity happen to be attractive characteristics.

Read the next article, Building A Great Relationship, for tips on how get the relationship you want.

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Relationships 101 Quiz

Answer Yes or No to the following questions.

1) I am aware of what my partner expects from me.
2) I apologize if I am wrong.
3) I try to reconcile our differences whenever possible.
4) I am mostly tolerant of my partner’s idiosyncrasies.
5) I argue fairly (rarely use bad names or get enraged).
6) I show affection easily.
7) I am very cooperative.
8) I try to make time together frequently.
9) I try to change behaviors that annoy my partner.
10) I know my partner well because I take the time to learn about her/him.

If you have answered Yes to at least 8 of the 10 questions in this quiz you should be doing well in your relationship. If you have answered No to 5 or more questions you would do well to improve your relationship skills as soon as possible!

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Every Couple Needs To Learn

10 Things Every Couple  Needs To Learn.

1) Know the difference between Wants & Expectations!
This topic alone will likely be the subject of an entire Newsletter in the future. Simply put however, partners will often make the mistake of expecting something they want and then faulting the other for not giving it to them. To expect means to assume or count on whereas to want is to desire or crave. Expectations of each other are frequently assumed because they are often based on behaviors that have been experienced in the past. Wants are often hopes that may or may not have been expressed clearly. It is comforting to know what to expect and sometimes unfair to expect that the other knows what you want.

2) Promote dialogue.
Communication means exchange, discussion and conversation between partners. For this to be effective each partner needs to listen attentively, speak without threatening and emphasize the positive.

3) Be clear.
If you are not sure about what you want from your partner, get clear before you bring it up. If you are dissatisfied and want things to get better then it is your responsibility to identify the issue(s) so that you can talk about them.  If you are going through a personal struggle that is not due to your relationship, let your partner know about it so that she/he does not feel left out of your life.

4) Be considerate.
This is a “no-brainer”! Being accommodating, attentive, patient and thoughtful goes a long way in creating a loving atmosphere where each partner is getting their needs met.

5) Be tolerant.
If you are difficult to get along with and have been getting worse over time, learn some tolerance quickly! Tolerance falls into the category of forgiveness and benevolence. Being tolerant of others is an admirable attribute that works well in a relationship.

6) Take responsibility.
When a couple is not getting along there will often be a lot of pointing fingers and blaming. Be ready to accept your end of any situation. Be careful because the first tendency you will have is to defend yourself…don’t! If you want harmony in your relationship, get over yourself and take the heat.

7) Agree to disagree.
Couples will often fall into the trap of thinking there has to be a resolution to every argument or disagreement. Wrong! One partner can respectfully disagree with the other. If an issue demands that there be a decision made then some form of negotiation should be entered into. You may need some outside help if there is a deadlock.

8) Show affection.
Let’s face it, everybody wants to be loved. Affection comes in all forms. Say nice things to each other, smile, touch, kiss, do something your partner likes, buy a small present or send a card.  It feels good when someone you care about shows they care about you.

9) Employ humor.
When people are dating they laugh, carry on and have fun with each other. Somehow the weight of everyday life gets in the way of enjoying each other’s company. If you have lost your sense of humor…try finding it again! Don’t let yourself get too serious…it tends to dull the relationship.

10) Don’t say everything!
I know I will get some unfriendly comments about this one but I believe it to be true. I am not suggesting you be dishonest. I am only saying here that it is sometimes wiser to examine what you are about to say for the effect it might have on your partner. Simply blurting something out because you are anxious, angry or feeling guilty without thinking about the consequences may not be in the best interest of your relationship at that moment.

If you are not already employing these strategies I strongly suggest that you begin to do so immediately. If you are already doing most of these things I congratulate you!

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10 Tips To Survive And Thrive

I think by now we can all agree that the effects of chronic stress can be devastating. So now what? In this article I have outlined a number of strategies you (or your loved one) may wish to consider to help change the effects of chronic stress.

1) Medication: Depending on your state of mind you may want to use medication to help calm you down. Traditional medications, properly prescribed, can be very helpful but may have side effects (some mild, some not). The most common types are anti-depressants (Zoloft, Effexor, Lexipro, and others) or anti-anxiety, the most common of which are Xanax, Ativan, and Klonipin.

2) Herbs/Vitamins: Herbs can be tricky because they are not regulated so you never know their potency from one manufacturer to the other. However, some that have shown good results are: St. Jon’s Wort, Kava Kava, Valerian Root, and the B vitamins.

3) Cognitive/Behavioral Therapy: Teaches you how to control both your thinking patterns and your response to situations that ordinarily would stress you out. Over time and with practice you learn to change your negative patterns.

4) Hypnosis: Most therapists who use hypnosis, will teach their patients self-hypnosis. Learning simple self-hypnotic techniques can be very useful as a strategy that you can employ quickly to calm yourself down. However, there is no magic here, it does take practice.

5) Exercise: If you can ride a bike, run, swim, walk, practice yoga or martial arts, work out at a gym or play sports of almost any kind you will feel better for it. Exercise is your basic stress reliever.

6) Meditation: Meditation is one of the oldest and best forms of reducing stress. It does not require years of training or a college education. You can read a book or get a DVD and begin right away. In his book, “Sacred Hoops…Spiritual Lessons Of A Hardwood Warrior”, Phil Jackson, former coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, explains how meditation helped him to stay focused and balanced during the most stressful of times.

7) Short breaks: Each day, take at least one or two short breaks from whatever is occupying your mind. Spend 10 minutes of personal time letting your mind relax. You can listen to music, take a nap, read a poem, take a walk, look at the trees or simply ponder the miracle of life. Just getting out of a stressful mindset for a few minutes can help you reduce stress.

8) Deep breathing: When we are stressed we breathe shallow breaths. Shallow breathing is meant to be short-term, just like the stress response. Deep breathing oxygenates the blood, relaxes the muscles and helps to calm us down. This is a scientific fact.

9) Don’t let your thinking get out of control: Whenever you feel your mind racing, creating an increase in your feelings of stress, take a deep breath and slow yourself down. You may want to think about your options, a vacation, your family or even how your mind works, withouot judging your thoughts (a form of meditation). Changing the trajectory of your thoughts, even for a brief period of time, can take the pressure off.

10) Find the positives:  Do you often find yourself being critical of others? Do you see most people as bad or imperfect? Do you generally have a negative or unkind view of those around you? Do you feel this way about yourself? This type of worldview can cause continuous stress. Don’t take for granted the good things you have or the good people in the world you inhabit. Instead, acknowledge them and look for the good in others. You will feel better for it!

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Chronic Stress-a Deadly Enemy

Stress is an extremely important protective mechanism for all animals, including humans. We’re designed by nature to detect danger and for the mind and body to become stressed as a result. When we fear the danger in our midst our brain signals the adrenal medulla to release adrenaline (a hormone). The adrenaline increases the amount of sugar in the blood and spikes the heart rate. The pituitary gland is also signaled to release cortisol, the other powerful hormone that serves to keep the blood sugar and heart rate up. All this hormonal activity is triggered expressly for the purpose of taking action: running away from danger or confronting it.

This response is typically called the stress response. When it gets triggered all the parts of the body that are urgently needed are put to use. All the other parts that aren’t urgently needed are either shut down or reduce functioning. All this stress focuses our energy on the task of protecting ourselves as efficiently as possible. Once  we accomplish the task of self protection our minds and bodies get back to normal. The stress response is meant to be short-term.

If, on the other hand, we experienced a continuous stress response throughout the day, week, month or year(s), the effect that these hormones would produce could be catastrophic. Our blood pressure might be high all the time (potentially causing a stroke or heart condition); our digestion might be faulty (gastrointestinal disease can occur); we might contract diabetes due to high blood sugar; memory might be negatively affected due to improper blood flow to the brain; and our immune system might become compromised.

Chronic stress is a prolonged stress response. It is also, therefore, a major contributor to poor health, disease and death. Almost every aspect of a person’s life, physical and mental, can be affected by chronic stress.

Chronic stress can occur when a person is faced with protracted distress such as the aftermath of a bad hurricane or the life threatening illness of a loved one.

Although all of us are subject to the travails of life, some people are more susceptible to experiencing everyday life as hostile, a danger or something to be feared. These are people who may have some the following characteristics:

They act as if everything is an emergency,
They need  everything to be perfect,
They are often micromanagers,
They need to control everything,
They often consider others incompetent,
They may get angry easily,
They rarely enjoy the moment and are often thinking about something else,
They often have a dark or negative view of things,
They can be unreasonable or “bullheaded”,
They are “always right”,
They can’t take criticism, even though it may be constructive,
They see things as black or white with little or no grey areas,
They may get angry or depressed easily.

People who have the above characteristics are often more predisposed to feeling continuously stressed out. They elevate their hormonal levels by virtue of the way they view the world, ultimately causing themselves more stress for longer periods of time. Unless it is brought to their attention that they are behaving poorly they may not notice. It is often because of the involvement of family or friends that a person suffering with chronic stress decides to get help or make changes.

We are all creatures of habit and develop patterns of behavior we rely on, even if these patterns are dysfunctional. Breaking old habits is not easy. In the case of chronic stress however, changing the patterns that got you there in the first place may save your life.

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